I wish I wasn't.....

I wish I wasn't so damn frustrated. I wish I wasn't so damn angry. I wish I wasn't so damn tired. But I am. I wish he was responsible. I wish he showed his kids he cared. I wish he wasn't an alcoholic. But I can't change any of it. I want a time machine so I can speed up and get to the place and time where he wont affect me any longer. But I know without today's lessons I cannot grow and will not move forward. Its not that I wish he would get his finances together. Its more that I wish I could afford it all without him. I wish there was no ties to him any longer. I want to sail away from him and leave him on his desolate island to figure his own escape plan.